Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
