I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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