I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
