well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
this hospital has no fireball
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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