dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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