Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
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Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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