dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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