They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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