Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
