what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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