happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
