why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
