I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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