3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
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i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
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Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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