i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
