My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
