Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
