Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
