fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
