My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
