I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
