seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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