I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
