She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
