there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The Olympian is in my bed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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