We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
