My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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