Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
NoShamevember. You game?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
