so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
