i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
