idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the condom got lost in my hair
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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