And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
