he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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