I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
