So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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