i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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