Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
