Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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