Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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