it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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