I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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