We named our party play list daddy issues
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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