I just threw up on my dentist
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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