i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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