Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
