How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
