The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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