i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
