The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
