What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
