If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
