Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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