well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
