There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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