4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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