May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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