so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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