I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
