Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
