you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
