You're my little dorito
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
