So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
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Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
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New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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