Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
