Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
