anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
