my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
