so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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