She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize