I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
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a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.