Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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