OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
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So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.