why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having hate sex.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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