Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
