Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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