I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
