oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
