I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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